wow. so, i totally realized i didn't do a school year in review post for sophomore year. i did one for freshman year, but not sophomore year. i suppose this summer i was just too busy being concerned about other things that i didn't really think about it. and at this point, i'm not even sure i can remember all the stuff that happeend last year, month by month like i did in that freshman year in review post.

and come to think of it, i'm not really sure i want to remember. all i remember about last year is that everything gradually went to...well, everything slowly fell apart. until about late march, when i reached a turning point. joce knows firsthand what that turning point was. i'm not sure i can write about it here yet. it's still rather personal. it was a bad thing at the time, but it ended up being a really really good thing in the long run.

also, i remember april. you can bet i remember april. and july. and everything in between.

but i digress...

also, this summer, joce spent quite some time in europe, and i do believe it was the longest time that i had spent separated/not in contact with her since renewing our friendship when i arrived at tallwood. i think it did me some good though. cos once she goes off to college, it's not like i'll be able to see her every single day like i do now...i'll have to get used to seeing/talking to her on a limited basis. i'll have to learn to survive it. =/

but it's okay. i'll learn to take care of myself.

i'm doing better now anyways. much better. =)

however, it's the beginning of the year, so we'll see how things turn out...

shut up, pessimistic side. i'm quite confident in my abilities to do well this year. none of my classes this year are super hard. i'm taking ap psych, ap bio, ap english, ap stat, visual language, adv orchestra, and sparks. ap psych is very interesting and therefore rather easy. ap bio, mr tomik is fun and i have cool classmates, so that makes it easier; it's just memorizing stuff that's hard. ap english of course will be challenging but nothing i can't handle as long as i keep up with the work and reading. ap stat is easy. i just have to make sure i complete my homework and study (although i could get by without studying...but you know what they say...don't just do enough to get by, do enough to get ahead!). visual language is easy, sometimes i can even do/finish ap english or ap stat homework in that class. it's fun too, plus jenn and liz charboneau sit at my table and they're fun table partners. orchestra is orchestra. same as it's been the last two years. but this year we get to go to disney world, so that'll be fun. =) what a great way to spend my last orchestra trip/year with joce. it couldn't be more apropos. =D sparks is sparks. gotta think occasionally but for the most part, it's just common sense and being creative. nothing hard.

so i'm pretty sure i can at least get honor roll every quarter...if i were to get anything but an A in anything, it would probably be english and bio...but i'm sure with enough studying, i could definitely get A's in those too. so my goal is honor roll all year, and principal's list at least once.

then, by the end of the year, i hope to have raised my GPA from a 3.2 to, say, a 3.4? maybe? i really really wanted it to be a 3.5 so i'd be eligible for NHS, but it's okay if it's not. i just want to do better this year than i did last year. i'm determined. and i want to graduate with a 3.8. a stretch, i know, but not impossible. i'm determined this year. i'm driven. i will work as hard as i need to to accomplish what i want to.

there's only one way out of here.

just watch. enjoy.


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man, i'm such a LION. hahaha.

so for the past two weeks, i've been at school nearly every day (school doesn't even start till next tuesday!). however, no worries, it's all chill, because it's been for drama and SCA. i am so in love with SCA this year. we are so awesome and so spirited and i really think we're going to do awesome things this year. we're all so tight, it's so great! i really wish i'd gone to leadership workshop this summer though, nobody told me! stupid scrolling marquee announcements i never had the time to read...oh well. next summer, most definitely!

TA-double L-W-double O-D! WHAT?! TA-double L-W-double O-D! WHAT?! TALLWOOD! SAY WHAT? TALLWOOD, OH YEEEEAH!!

go lions go! =D

i thought you would be the one to sweep me off my feet.

you did at first, i guess. yeah, you did.

"it's just that...i was taught to believe that if something seems too good to be true, then it probably is."

what is it about me that always wants to forget the hurt i've experienced in the past, and keep believing in the things that seem too good to be true? a hopeless hopeful, huh? i found you and so quickly, i was so willing to forget that guys like you had hurt me in the past. i tried to be smart about it at first...but that didn't work. i let you wash over me and overtake me completely...the way your hands would mine...the way your shadow would mine...you were a wave and i was the sand, and now you're slowly wearing me away and scattering my many thousands of pieces.

you took so much from me. so many firsts were with you. but i guess it's partly my fault; i gave you so much of me.

i wanna be kissed in the rain. i wanna be held so close i can breathe you in. i wanna hear your voice every night before i fall asleep. i wanna be good to you. i wanna be yours again. i wanna be swept off my feet. i wanna be loved.

this is the last time
that i'll ever see your face
cos i never want to see you again.
this is the last time
that i'll ever say to you
that i never want to see you again.
i never want to see you again.

fuck you.

i hate the person that you make me. i hate her so bad. i'm not an angry person. i'm not a spiteful person. i don't curse, i'm not hateful or vindictive, i don't seek out vengeance. but somehow, you make me everything that i'm not. and i hate you for that. and i hate myself even more for letting you make me that.

everytime i talk to you, i just want to hurt. i want to kill something. i want to hurt. i want to punch my wall so hard that the drywall sinks in and four spots of red reside there, staining the otherwise bare surface at which i stare, boring holes into it at the most absurd hours of the night with my pseudo-green eyes.

how can you act that way? well. not act. be. how can you be that way? it's beyond my comprehension.

at least i'll have no trouble staying up all night finishing my ap psych assignment. cos Lord knows i won't be able to sleep tonight.

why does it seem like everyone's hurting?

summer. summer has always been a time of endings. what's anything that ever begins in summer? except maybe your new job? no, summer has always been a season of endings. school year...homework...relationships. not just boyfriend-girlfriend relationships either. friendships too. along with summer comes a sudden onslaught of the severing of ties. friends lose touch. relationships disintegrate. (although a great deal of that may be due to the sudden decrease in the amount of clothing girls start wearing and the increase of thinking that guys do with something other than their head or heart.) even though a lot of us look forward to summer as a break from reality, an escape to freedom, not many of us take into account the endings that come with summer.

maybe i'm biased since i've been grounded most of the summer.

but it just seems to me that that's what summer is. endings. it seems to me like the calendar year should end with the end of summer, and begin with the start of fall. it just makes more sense to me.